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Stolen Chairs

6/30/2013

14 Comments

 
Picture
Vicious Bitch drinking from the bird bath .. go here to discover how she acquired her name.

Few moments in life are better than  sitting in the yard on a beautiful day with friends and loved ones.  For this purpose we keep a pile of plastic lawn chairs that are easy to manage and comfortable as well.  When our gathering is complete, the chairs are stacked and sitting at the ready for another sunset fun fest.
Right ... In my dreams ..
Reality check!  A couple of months ago my good friend Daniel stopped by.  It was a picture perfect Kauai day and we headed for the yard.  First of all, let me pop my own bubble by confessing that all our lawn chairs are not neatly stacked as stated above.  In fact, they are strategically placed around the front, back, & side yards for easy access by lazy guys (me) who don't feel like hauling them to the carport after every get together.  As a direct result of this slovenly habit, and the fact they just seem to love the chairs in general, guess who plays musical lawn chairs on a daily basis?  of course you guessed it .. who else but Baby & Vicious Bitch.

Now don't misunderstand,  I love those two eccentric fur balls .. but nearly half the lawn chairs in our collection are now permanently impregnated with the beautiful red soil of Kauai.  One would think they could select a favorite chair or a favorite part of the lawn and the top chair of the residing chair stack for that area .. one would think .. But nooooooooo, the two Feline Monarchs of Pu'u Road randomly move from stack to stack in their never ending search for Kitty Bliss .. depositing red particulate matter in their wake.  Therefore, more than half our collection of lawn chairs are designated "butt stainers".

The day Daniel and I "retired to the lawn" (Say "retired to the lawn" with a deep southern accent .. it's a beautiful thing .. now, back to my story) ... that day was no different than any other in relation to seating.  I rushed ahead with a wet rag to wipe off two menacing seats, but I noted Daniel was wearing light colored pants and feared this approach was without merit.  Like any good host, and the classic man without a plan .. I dashed to the bathroom and scooped up a couple of towels to protect us both from inevitable "exterior bottom encrustment".  We had a very enjoyable visit and Daniel went home with shorts the same color they were when he arrived.  I retired to the house.  And the chairs?  .. well, they sat in the lawn with our good bath towels in place.

It's not as if Baby and Vicious have no special place to sleep.  We've gone to great lengths in order to make them comfortable.  Two fancy cat beds were purchased,  blankets were laid out on our entry because they seemed to like that area, and they always had the chairs .. all of the chairs.  But where did they sleep on the night following Daniel's visit .. of course they slept on those two chairs.  Those two chairs with Darlene's favorite towels .. those two chairs I had neglected to gather the evening before .. of course.

It must have been a particularly active night for the "girls" prior to them settling on the toweled thrones.  I can only imagine what nocturnal roaming's and adventures took place.  Judging from the look of our towels the next morning when Mr. Forgetful (me) went out to collect them and find the closest depository stack for the chairs, I can only assume Vicious Bitch and Baby had participated in the first annual Kauai Cat Mud Wrestling Championships .. and they had been the big losers.  Our nice plush bathroom towels now displayed a familiar coloration ... Kauai earth red.  

There is a business on Kauai that produces T-shirts.  These shirts  are called Kauai Red Dirt Shirts.  The process of producing them was discovered by chance when a shipment of white T-shirts was inadvertently stained by contact with the red volcanic soil.  My understanding of the process is that white shirts are tossed into a container of water and Kauai red dirt.  The end product is a rusty red that will last through eternity .. as does the stain of Kauai earth on your carpet if you are foolish enough to go against tradition and wear shoes in the house.   Our towels were trashed.

As I looked into one of our covered carports yesterday,  there was one small stack  of  our extensive garden chair collection.  On top of that stack rested a fancy little Kitty Bed.  Another wooden chair contained the other fancy little Kitty Bed.  And flanking the small stack of chairs are two lawn chairs ... each draped with a red stained bathroom towel , and one of these being occupied by Her Royal Highness .. Baby.
Picture

But where is her running mate .. her co-conspirator .. the other half of the dirt caked midnight ramblers?  Are these perches not enough?  Have I not capitulated fully to their needs .. their demands .. their effect to my causation? 

They've stolen my chairs ... why isn't Vicious participating in the Victory Nap? 


Picture
... are you kidding me!

In light of recent events, my pal Daniel will be requested to wear dark pants to future lawn parties, Baby and Vicious Bitch will be banned from attending next years Kauai Cat Mud Wrestling Championships, and I will be unavailable on Thursday afternoons as I visit a highly acclaimed and renowned Human/Feline Behaviorist.

Beware Friends .. Cats own us .. and they steal chairs!


from Kauai to Paris ... and all places between

Bill
14 Comments
Sonja
6/30/2013 01:46:06 am

Another good one, Bill! :-)

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Bill link
6/30/2013 06:41:42 am

Mahalo Sonja ... hey, could you use a cat? Thank you for reading and commenting! Aloha, Bill

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Sally
6/30/2013 09:46:59 am

haha.....I love this story! I can picture their little cat brains scheming through the midnight hour about how they will rule the day to come! Thanks for the smiles. Sally

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Bill link
6/30/2013 09:56:08 am

Thanks Sis! I do believe they are poised to take over the world! Love, Brother Bill

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Heidi
6/30/2013 11:30:42 am

What a wonderful story. One of the things that stands out in this story is its honesty. How many people (I started to type "men") would Admit to not stacking the chairs or to grabbing the best towels in the house to protect his friend's shorts?? I find within myself as I am aiming toward dotage this gut felt Need for those around me to just be honest, just "fess up". I don't consider this a bad nor a good trait but just a tendency toward craving TOTAL honesty. The problem with this trait is its annoying tendency toward being judgmental. Do we all suffer this malady of studying and re-studying our own psyche??? Please, Billy, try to answer that one for me. Keep the blogs flowing-they are truly great.

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Bill link
6/30/2013 12:20:01 pm

Thanks for you comment Mom. I can only answer you by stating I've found the practice of honesty to be completely liberating and beneficial to my own life ... in both small and large matters. There is no "almost truth" .. it is either right or wrong .. honest or dishonest, and there is nothing between. My belief is we were all born with the innate knowledge of right and wrong .. then we are granted "free thinking" to make the choice one way or the other. Maybe "being honest" in relation to the actions of another is best not practiced, since it may come off as being judgmental. Please note: I know I have no room to critique anyone else. I also believe we can actively practice honesty and integrity .. consciously changing ourselves in a positive manner.

In this effort of rejuvenation .. for me anyway .. letting go of the past, realizing and admitting what we were, forgiving ourselves, dismissing the past, then dedicating ourselves to the person we want to be today and in the future does work. I know we can change.

The only thing I'm absolutely certain about is I am a work in progress .. a faulted Humanoid who wants to become better and better .. I know it is possible and I know the only critic who really counts is the one in the mirror. That is where the ultimate truth resides. Reg Brett (writer for "The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio) wrote: "What other people think of you is none of your business" and to that I would add ... but keep looking in the mirror ... so I do.

Thank you for stimulating my higher thinking today, Mom. Love you, Bill

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Dad
6/30/2013 11:57:00 am

I, on the other hand, say that this story just proves what I have always said - cats are sneaky, sneaky, sneaky to the extent that they carry around with them all kinds of allergy causing fur, dust, pollen and sly looks and cause mankind to either hate them or love them. You know where I stand!

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Bill link
6/30/2013 12:24:55 pm

Dad .. I'm laughing like crazy right now! Your comment is just what the Dr. ordered after diving into the turbulent waters of Mom's question. Leave the damned cats alone .. they are going to rule the earth and you, Sir, are going to be in deep water! :-) Thank you both so much for your support of my blog efforts .. I appreciate it more than I can say. Love, Bill

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cynthia Lewis
6/30/2013 03:03:19 pm

I do believe Baby and Vicious could provide the inspiration for an entire book! There are no pets in our household since our last dog died, but I do love cats and dogs. I noticed that Baby has both a blue and a yellow/green eye and I've read that such cats could be deaf in the ear on the side of the blue eye. Do you think this is true in her case? I believe that a completely white cat with one blue and one yellow or green eye is always deaf. Years ago I had just such a cat and now I have a friend with one.

Your red volcanic soil makes me think of the red clay of Georgia and parts of western South Carolina. I suppose you just join the color scheme and blend in. White or light colors still are the coolest on hot days....a dilemma. For an entertaining post, mille mercis.

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Bill link
6/30/2013 03:32:31 pm

Cynthia .. how very interesting about the eyes and deafness. I don't know if Baby is deaf in one ear or not .. she does come when I go outside and call, but she may be lucky enough to only be hearing half of me!

You touched a real chord by mentioning the death of you last dog. That is the reason we decided to not have a dog any longer .. losing them is such a painful experience. But look at us now .. after luring them in to our lives from the wild, we are getting close to these mini "tigers" and I suppose one day we will be forced to endure that pain again.

I remember the red clay of Georgia. I was stationed at Glynco Naval Air Station in Brunswick and got to see a bit of Georgia and experience the very slippery red clay after a rainfall. You are so right about the dilemma, and couldn't have stated/described it any more concisely.

Mahalo et merci for your comments, Cynthia .. they are always enjoyable! Bill

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Daniel
7/1/2013 11:49:02 am

Billy Boy,
I am looking forward to sitting my clean pants into one of your red dirt chairs this week! Now, If we could only get the cats off the hood of my newly painted Beemer!
As always, another well written blog. Keep em coming Facker!

Reply
Bill link
7/1/2013 12:32:32 pm

Daniel, they "own" your Beemer! Mahalo, Brother, for being a part of the KTP family and taking time to leave your comment ... The red dirt chairs and Beemer cat prints are waiting (though Baby & Vicious did mention something about a "chair lease" this morning ... Aloha, Bill

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Pat
7/1/2013 02:44:59 pm

I too grew up in a land of red clay, in the Catawba County area of N.C. Clay, not volcanic rock, but just as persistent and long-lasting.

There is a bunch of good "stuff" going on in this post, Bill. First thing to come to mind, is the nature of things. "Curious as a cat," reminds me that any self-respecting cat would not pass by a chair left in the yard with a towel in it ("Oh, nice -something new and different...") and not hop up to paw n' purr and give it its proper inspection. And by its very nature of not being led into anything it does not WANT to do, I can see that some cats would be a tad suspicious of such lush luxury and would choose a safer, out-of-the-way sleeping berth.

A cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do. Similarly some of us human beasties, we gotta do what we gotta do. I think we are all just fine, noticing a few things every now and then that we can work towards, letting go of others. I like that there are people, like those who visit your blog, who are sweet and gentle and support one another in life. Blog on, Man.




Reply
Bill link
7/1/2013 02:56:29 pm

Pat .. As always, a great comment full of fun facts ! Curious as a Cat ... Why didn't I think of that. The true treasure in my blog is the comments left by you and the others, so I will keep blogging for the honor of reading all of your words and enjoying our forming Family. Thank you so much for participating .. I hope many are enjoying these fantastic comments and you who write them! Mahalo et Merci, Bill

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